Finding Myself
by fluffyinumana91
Summary: Kagome wakes up but can't remember a thing from what has happened let alone her own name! Sesshomaru found her and now with her in his home maybe he can finally tell her that he now.................
1. Chapter 1

A.N: this is my first fanfic and I LOVE the idea of Seeshy and Kagome together after all the stuff Inuyasha putting her through so it's the perfect start for me(crosses fingers I hope)

Disclaimer: I don not own any of these characters(well maybe the one's I make up but still)

Chapter 1

Kagome's P.O.V

I roll over as I wake up. I notice I am in a bed that should be mine. I feel sheets that should be mine. A room that should be mine but I can't be perfectly sure if it was or wasn't right now. Groaning as I get up out from the bed I start the search for the bathroom. Opening one door I see ranks filled with kimonos so I know that not it. I walk over to the other door and open it to see a toilet and a screen

_Yes just what I need right now!_ I think to myself.

Finishing up near the toilet I turn off the water at the sink. Opening up the screen to see the bath I thank Kami for such great things. Then realizing I don't have towels or clothes in there with me I go to walk back to "my" room. I open up the closet I found minutes before. Grabbing a blue and white kimono with purple flowers around the arms and feet, I sling it over my arm and go to walk back to the bath when "my" door opens. I look towards the door when I hear a name that sounds familiar. As I look there is a person standing there. He has silver hair shining from the sunlight coming in from the window, piercing golden eyes and fluffy looking thing over his shoulder. Around his eyes I see red stripes around his eyes and a purple moon on his for head.

_Weird that reminds me of something, _I think.

I take in all that he looks like while doing so I see that his face holds no emotions which saddens me even though I don't understand why. He continues to just stand there and stare at me. I start to get nervous and start babbling

"So who are you? I am………………" I can't remember my name "I am from….." I can't remember that either. I stop to look up and notice he is still staring.

"Get back in the bed", he says with silky cold voice. Next thing I know he is pushing me like he thinks I am too dirty to touch "Go now". He stops pushing me to notice the kimono in my hands "You have no need for that yet" he says gesturing to the kimono "Finish healing first so I can take you back to that nasty hanyou of half brother".

"Who are you talking about? Why would I not stay in my room?" I look at him confused.

"Like this Sessamarou would even let a nignen like yourself to stay his home", he says disgusted.

"So you're not human? I don't understand what you're saying? Why did you talk about yourself in third person?" I ask interested now.

"You know very well that this Sessamarou is not human. I am saying that as soon as you heal you are out of this Sessamarou's home. And like this Sessamarou needs to explain himself to you" he says through gritted teeth.

"I am confused here. You have to explain. Don't I belong here with you or someone?" I ask.

He just was silent looking at me "What do you know? What is your name?"

"I don't know anything. I can't remember anything", I tell him frowning.

A bit of emotion passes through his eyes and he looks at me again. "Your name is Kagome. That is all I know about you. I fear I might have to let that hanyou tell you the rest", he walks out of the room slamming the door behind him.

Sessamarou's P.O.V.

I can't believe this I am stuck with a worthless human who now can't remember her own damn name. I will not lose my cool. I walk down the hall to my office. I will check on her again when she is sleeping to see if she is just lying to me. I do not let anyone trick me let alone humans. I look down at the papers and realize I can not stop thinking about her though her ebony hair and midnight blues that let everyone of her emotions show. She may be a human but her looks make her look like a youki in hiding. Finding her after her group finally defeated Naraku was strange because knowing that half-brother of mines he would have protected her life with his.

Flashback

_Following the smell of blood and the stench of Naraku I come to bushes with that girl who was always with my half-brother behind them. I pick her up. With blooding dripping off her head and back she was dying. I put her back behind the bushes waiting for when she died. When she finally died the sun had set. Tensiga then started shaking. I revived her and went to leave her there for Inuyasha to find her later when she called my name. I look back at her and notice that even in her weakened state she has a smile on her face. I walk back to her and lean down _

"_Thank you. I need time to heal away from Inyasha though so can you please take care of me because I know of no one else he will stay away from" she asks in a whispering voice. Before I said anything she faints again. I pick her up and take over to where Rin and Jaken were _

"_Jaken"_

"_Yes Master Sessamarou"_

"_Take this human along with Rin to the castle I will be there shortly"_

End Flashback

How strange that I even listened to her request let alone did it. Cursing myself for not getting any work done but sitting here thinking of a human for hours I go to check her room and make sure she was sleep.

I walk in hearing her snoring. I walk up to her bed noticing how tangled she was in the sheets already and also how all her hair was in her face. Amused by this I push her hair out of her face to just stare at her. Also noticing that the jewel that she was trying so hard to complete was finally completed around her neck started glowing as I touched her. Expected it to burn me with its purifying magic I tensed. Only thing that came was a great feeling that I have never known. I look down at the girl sleeping in the bed and wonder what she was dreaming.

"Inuyasha"

So she even thinks of him in her dreams how ironic. This for some reason angered me very much. I have put so many weeks tending to her making sure she would fully recover even though she will never know I have become attached to her in her sleeping mode where I could finally vent my worries and troubles to someone. Her beauty has called to me ever since I first tried to kill her but she became attached to my brother and I never had a chance. When I found Rin she reminded me of her, so full of life not willing to let a simple thing like me being a demon to get in the way. Never will she know how much I am affected by a single thing she does.

"I wish you would dream of me the way you dream of him, miko. You hold on to him even when you can't remember who he is." A thought then clicks into my head. What if I made her fall for me while she is here trying to remember who she is, then maybe I will have a chance against that hanyou she seems to care for. Knowing I am going down the same route as my father I do not care for she is still strong unlike father's mate was. Walking to the door I look at her and smile at her. Deciding it was about time she was treated like the princess she should be I close the door and go to bed with the smile still on my face.

A.N: so I hope you people out there liked it but yea reviews plz! If you flame tell me how 2 fix it and make it better at least gosh……………..and also if you don't like how Sessamarou thinks I doubt he thinks in the third person even tho he talks that way but it is a possibility but I did NOT feel like going through "this Sessamarou" even time he had a thought so yea thankz 4 reading laterz I'll update every weekend(I promise)


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own them (but I want to )

Chapter 2

Kagome's P.O.V.

_Wow that dream was weird,_ I think.

Kagome's Dream

_Walking in a forest I call out for someone but no one is there. I turn around and see two people kissing _

"_Inuyasha" I whisper. The boy turns. I recognize him. _

"_Kagome I …."He starts._

_I put my hand up "No need to explain yourself we were done when I completed the jewel and purified it. You will not get your wish though. I will not let you have what you want." I walk away from him. Looking up at the sky I think about going home but also realizing I have no clue where that is I look back for Inuyasha to see if could tell me the way that I go home but he is no longer there. I sigh and start to walk through the village in front of me. I look around for someone who would bring back a part of my memory but no one comes to me. No one even looks at me. I continue to walk when I walk into someone. I look up to see the same golden eyes from my room_

"_Sesshomarou, what are you doing here?" I ask _

"_I have been waiting for you to notice me. I have waited long enough", he steps forward. _

_I look at him not understanding" Nani??" He looks down at me _

"_Your heart will be mine soon enough I promise you. Give me the looks that you gave my dear brother" he leans in. With his lips touching mine"I will treat like you deserve to be". He kisses me. _

End

I get up out of the bed at go into the bathroom. Washing my face in cold water I don't know why I had such a dream. Slowly remembering who I am is bad enough but why did the first thing I remember have to be of Inuyasha kissing her.

While with Sesshomarou waking from the exact same dream with his hopes high that maybe he could win that ebony haired beauty staying in his castle.

Back with Kagome

Fully dressed despite Sesshomarou's attempts to get me back in bed I walk into a room I hoped to be the dining room. Sighing I walk out of yet another room. I try yet again another door but still no dining room. _By the time I find my way I will be dead!_ Walking down the hall I see someone I have high hopes it's someone who can point me in the direction on the dining room. As soon as I walk up to her though she runs "Wait no I just want to…" she runs around the corner.

_Damn how am I supposed to get anywhere if I continually get lost in this place, _I think to myself while walking down another stairwell and hallway. I feel someone watching me so I turn around to see Sesshomarou standing behind me. I cross my arms "Yes?"

To myself, _That's creepy how he just did that yet again he is demon so he can do stuff like that but Inuyasha never came around without making a noise…………._

"Follow me to the dining hall." he says bringing me out of my thoughts. He walks ahead of me as I follow him. As he opens two doors I gasp. The dining hall was gigantic with a table that took up most of the space. It looked like it could have fit at least 100 people. Sesshomarou walked up the table and looked at the seat next to him as if me to sit down there. He pulls out the chair. I sit. I just look at him as a little girl comes running in the room screaming "Good morning Sesshomarou-sama!!!" He replies "Good morning Rin." He sits down as the little girl sits across from me. She looks at me then at Sesshomarou then back at me. "Who are you? Are you Sesshomarou's mate? Are you here to be my mommy?" she asks without taking a breath between each question. She smiles and I have no choice but to smile back

_She's the cutest but I never caught her name. She is just a little bit too anxious to get a mother huh??, _I think

"I am Kagome. And no to all your other questions I am just here to heal and then I will be gone again but if you want to we can play while I am still here", I smile hoping my response didn't put her done too much. She frowns then looks at me. She puts her elbow on the table as if she is thinking about what I just said "Hai!!! Rin would like that a lot" she finally says smiling.

Sesshomarou's P.O.V

_Good maybe Rin can get her to stay longer than I could_. I think. I smile inward_ Now is better than later when my filthy half brother comes for her. _

I look at Kagome and clear my throat. "You may go to the gardens now Rin"

"Demo Sesshomarou-sama I want to take Kagome with me", she says looking at me with pouty eyes.

"Not today. Tomorrow yes. Today I have things to talk about with Kagome" I look at her as if that is that and I get up at my seat. "Hai, Sesshomarou-sama" she runs out for the gardens. I look back to Kagome "Come with me to my office. It's the only private room in this whole place", I tell her. I move away from the table. Opening the door I look back to see if she is following me to see that she is staring at me open-mouthed. I laugh inwardly

"You can follow", I say stepping out of the dining hall. I hear her scramble to get up and follow.

While walking there she hums something but she stops when I turn to look at her. I open the door and stand next to it allowing her to enter before me. I point to a chair by my desk, "Sit". Walking around my desk I look at her "How much do you remember right now about yourself?"

She looks at me like i have something on my face _Great does she really think me so lowly as to not care for someone staying in MY home_

"I remember that my name is Kagome and that I am a miko. I also remember who Inuyasha is and who you are." she states rubbing her chin," Oh yeah I remember the shikon jewel"

"That is it?" I ask worried that if she remembered Inuyasha than she may want to leave and go back with him since she cared for him so much.

"Yes. I know I am supposed to be with him demo……" she looks down and I smell tears" he has hurt me too much I can't go back with him. Not after he chose Kikyou over me"

"You do not have to think of that here. You are here to heal and then do what you chose whether you stay after that is up to you.", I get up and go to the door, "Meet me here after dinner so I can talk to you some more and maybe I can help you remember more" as I turn to leave, she calls out," I could never thank you the way you deserve to be thanked, Sesshomarou"

_All I want I for you to thank me at all _, I think

I leave hearing her get out of the chair I go to do the rest of the work I have to do for the day.

Kagome's P.O.V

Laying the bed I count the cracks in the ceiling not knowing what else I could possibly do for the day. _Humph go figure as soon as I wake up I forget everything that I promised to do. Guess there is nothing else I can do here but try to know Rin and Sesshomarou better. _I roll on my side. _I doubt that Sesshomarou will open up to anyone let alone a human like me, even though he seems attached to Rin. I have to figure out exactly why he thought to bring me here in the first place. I can't remember anything from being with Inuyasha though I don't think that I am supposed to do much besides give him the shikon jewel so he can become full demon. Boy what a week it was with Inuyasha, demo it feels like it was longer than that……………………_


	3. Chapter 3

AN.: Being ground on your birthday sucks but it gave me time to update!

ok so thanks 2 my reviewers I was told I was spelling Sesshomaru wrong sorrii if it offended ne of his strong fans it was an honest mistake I SWEAR! Ok now 4 da 3rd chapter! Oh yea I don't own them (wish I could afford 2 buy them ,)

Kagome's P.O.V

_I guess I should go to the dining hall now for dinner. Hope I won't get lost like last time, _sighing I start walking down hallways that I could remember.

_Why does this seem familiar?_

Groaning I try a door, praying that it would be Sesshomaru's office I open the door. Letting out the breath I was holding I see him sitting at his desk.

_Thank Kami I remembered something _

I walk over to his desk, but he doesn't look up so I clear my throat. He then looks up at me and I smile sheepishly "Uh I kind of forgot the way to the dining hall."

He nods towards the chair near his desk for me to sit in and wait for him. I sit down and look up at the ceiling noticing there are no cracks to count as in my room while I wait. I then turn to the floor trying to find something to occupy myself with. After 2 minutes I am yawning with boredom. Deciding to get up I walk and stand behind Sesshomaru and look over his shoulder. He stops writing as I look over it though. Without looking up at me he says "You do know that's very disrespectful to me" I sigh and walk back to my seat with my head down in defeat. I look up to see a bit of amusement flash through his eyes before his eyes go back to the soul piercing stare

. "What are you doing?" I ask giving up on doing anything to NOT disturb him. "Filling out paperwork", he replies.

"Oh about what?" I ask trying to get more than one sentence at a time. "Naraku", saying even less than before I frown. For some reason that name, that vile name, makes me feel disgusted and with the need to be sick. Looking up at him again,"Who?" I ask.

"The hanyou that you killed when he almost killed Inuyasha", he answers still not looking up. I think about who Inuyasha and I fought with no name Naraku coming to mind

"I don't remember a Naraku." He looks up at this, "I doubt you will for awhile since you just remembered Inuyasha and me."

" I have to go home soon ya know", I say when he goes back to work, "my mom is most likely worried sick since I haven't seen her ever since the well incident"

This brings he eyes back to me, "Just how long do you think you have been on this side of the well?"

"Well……… I was with Inuyasha for a week…….demo……I don't know how long I was out for," I answer watching him look from his paper back to me. He gets up as I am saying this and his stare gets colder and colder with each word I would say. "You lie," he states. I look to him eyes wide "I would never………..I'm not "he sits back down "I am hoping this is from your memory loss but I must tell you. You have been on this side of the well for 3 years chasing an evil hanyou for the shards to the jewel around your neck." I feel like an 18-wheeler just ran me over "3 YEARS!" I shake my head "no….no…that can't be because that would mean that I have forgotten the last 3 years of my life"

He looks at me very intently, "I don't know what caused this to happen but I do know now that you really don't remember because of your reaction just now"

I look at him with tears in my eyes "Tell me why you brought me here! Tell me now!" He gets up at this and all I see is a blur as he appears before me with his hand around my neck "You will watch how you speak to me, Miko. Otherwise you will come to highly regret it" I choke for air as he lets me go, looking up at him he begins to tell me how and why he brought me with him to his castle. (A.N: if you don't remember it's his flashback in the beginning)

I look at him shaking my head "So you brought me back to life? But why?"

"I had my reasons but now we must work on you getting your memories back and find out why you lost them in the first place"

At dinner no one seems to want to talk so we all ate in silence as we finish dinner I find my way back to my room amazingly. Trying to digest what Sesshomaru had told me is hard. To believe that for some reason I forgot three years of life was just out there but then again up to 2 days ago I couldn't even remember my own name let alone up to falling in the well. _Why me! First down the well now this, this damn memory loss! Kami when will my life be normal. _ Laying down I try going to sleep but since I wasn't even tired I get up groaning. I sit up and cross my legs but without realizing it I start to meditate.

"_**Kagome"**_

_**I look up to see a waterfall and a woman standing before me. **_

"_**Who are you?" I ask still sitting.**_

**_She sits down next to me "That's not important at this time I need to tell you that you must look into your heart to understand why all this is happening to you" _**

'**_Nani! My heart?" I feel confused. She chuckles. "Yes your heart. The pain and sorrow that you have gone through was something I never imagined happening to you. Your heart so pure and clean no matter what life puts in your way. I could bask in your light for all of eternity,"she smiles at this thought,"Helping you though is what I can do for now" _**

"_**My memory loss?" **_

"_**A form of protection your mind used to keep you pure and not taint the jewel", she explains. **_

**_Grasping the jewel it glows. I gasp as I see Inuyasha before me falling from an attack from Naraku. I quickly open my eyes not wanting that memory back anytime soon. _**

_**The woman looks at me worried "Before you try to get your memory back you must be stable in mind, body and soul. You must love, endure and learn" **_

At that I open my eyes. I cry thinking back to what the woman said to me.

_So I was protecting myself from myself. Or was the jewel protecting itself from my pain. What did she mean I have to "Love, endure and learn" to gain my memory back. This is even more confusing than when I didn't understand what happened to me. _

Sesshomaru's P.O.V.

_Is she crying over that useless brother of mine she has done so many times before or is there a different reason to it? _Controlling the urge to go and comfort her I leave from by her door. Soon enough I can smell her tears getting closer and closer until finally I can sense her just out side of the door. _ Why hasn't she come in yet? _

I listen very carefully as I hear her whispering " I know you know that I am out here so just invite me in already please." Surprised by her request I tell her to enter. As she comes in I search her face to any signs of what she was crying about. _Nothing damn. _She sits in the chair. "I know why I forgot everything that has happened these last 3 years." she states. I try to urge her to go on without saying anything fearing I might say the wrong thing to her. "I was trying to protect myself from myself" I stare at her. _She can't be serious! I never knew humans could forget their lives to protect their selves from their pain._

"The pain was too much for my mind and it decided to forget what had caused me the most pain and sorrow. Which in this case was Naraku. The pain that was inside of me would have tainted the jewel even more than he would have himself", she says looking at me now. Inwardly I sigh and groan at the same time.

"So do you now remember everything?", I ask curious but sure that I do not show it.

"No, this woman, I think who was the originator of the jewel, told me all of this."

I nod my head. "Did she tell you when you will remember everything," I ask then.

"Yes. When I 'love, endure and learn'", she answers looking more than before. Thinking through what she just told me I come to a realization. _Fate is working my way for once_.

To the reviewers:

Ilikewhitetigers- thanks for the review n yea Sesshy n Kagome all the way!

iNuYaShAsweet- that advice helped so much A BIG THANKS! glad u like it so far too

ka1080- omg I can't believe I hav been spelling it wrong I feel so dumb lol well thanks for da spell check n review. Also to ur questions I guess u'll just hav to keep reading to find out huh? Hahaevil laugh

laters ppls I am goin to bed now! Got stupid testing 2morrow! It sucks too.


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